Best Google Jokes

I make a lot of jokes about Bing, I have to admit it. The gist is that it is a wannabe search engine that will never make it as the number one choice. Unfair? Probably, but I would argue that 1) I don’t care, and 2) It is still the truth. Besides, it is not like Bing will ever see this…it couldn’t find it! See what I did there?

But it is really only right of me to give Google the same shots. After all, it is at the top and there is no way to resist lobbing up a couple of rotten tomatoes to hit the big guy in the face. So here are some of the best Google jokes I have seen around the web (ironically found through the same search engine; take that, Bing).

Weird Auto-Complete Results

It isn’t technically a ‘joke’, but there is nothing funnier than some of the bizarre suggestions given by Google auto-complete function. Suggestions like:

  • Can I get pregnant from a dog?
  • What happens if you put self-raising flour on an orphan?
  • What If Your Knees Bent the Other Way
  • Where is Chuck Norris?
  • What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
  • Do ginger people have ginger pubes?
  • How wrong we were to think immortality meant never dying…

… and many other truly strange, often disgusting but always funny suggestions from Google’s search engine. But want to know what is truly hilarious about these? They had to have been asked often enough to seem to Google like a frequently asked question or common phrase. Apparently a lot of girls are afraid of their dogs getting them pregnant. Just let that soak in for a second.

Life Before Google: A Short Story

Life Before Google

I love Shoebox, an excellent comic series about a dog and a bunny. This is probably my favorite, because it is something I have thought about a lot. I am old enough to remember well the days before Google. When we had to look at actual maps or in the phone books. When if we knew a lyrics from a song, but not what the song was, we were just out of luck unless we happened to hear it again somewhere. It was a life of agony; we didn’t know it, but we were the walking dead.

Now Google has come and swept away that misery. Never again will we spend hours trying to remember where that one half-recalled quote came from. Just a few seconds of typing and we will know that it was from a Christmas themed episode of Wings. Hell, we can even see who was working on crew when they filmed it.

Yes, life is sweet.

One Does Not Simply…

One Does Not Simply...

Google Maps can give you some amazing directions, and I have always preferred it over programs like MapQuest. But one way that they are superior is in their handling of sage advice. Such as how one does not simply walk into Mordor.

Related question: Has anyone else ever wondered why Gandalf didn’t just fly an eagle to Mount Doom and drop the ring into the fires there himself? He could have Google Mapped the route.

Pearls Before Swine: Praise Google

Pearls Before Swine: Praise Google

Google is pretty much our Internet overlord and master at this point. If that is not yet the case, it will be. Clearly, we are a society that cannot live without the sweet, sweet embrace of their many varied services. Seriously, when was the last time you went a whole day without using a single program offered by Google? If you had a single day in the last several years you could claim this, you are a liar. Or a time traveler. Though I bet even time travel in the future will be handled by either Google or Apple.

This cute little strip from the comic Pearls Before Swine talks about the supremacy of Google. It would seem that one little ram doesn’t know his place.

The IT Crowd

Anyone who has not seen the British sitcom The IT Crowd needs to do so now. I mean it, don’t even finish this article. Just go to Netflix and marathon the series until your eyes bleed and you can’t walk straight. It will be totally worth it, trust me.

For those of you who are fortunate enough to have watched this gem of a show, I bring you a nostalgic clip of our dear Jen. She is head of the IT department, and she is desperate to warn her fellow department heads of the danger of breaking the internet.

Protip: Never type “Google” into Google.

Do you know of a good Google joke? Let us know in the comments!

Image Credits: 1, 2.

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